'I decided to be open': New boss of 4 months asks employees for feedback, gets upset at their advice

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Apr 28, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

When someone gives you feedback you're not expecting, your reaction might give away how caught off guard you are. I think you have to practice how to act when receiving feedback, because you can't avoid it forever. Instead, you can try to keep your facial expression neutral, and to listen very closely to what the other person is telling you. You might be freaking out in your head at how your actions are being perceived! The feedback might have caught you totally off guard. 

The best thing you can do is thank the person who took the time to give you this considerate talking-to. That person probably knows they were being vulnerable by doing so, and they probably didn't want to hurt any feelings. Still, no one is perfect. It may also be easier to have deep talks with coworkers or bosses you've been working with for years. But this person has only known their boss for 4 months, and clearly their relationship isn't at that comfortable stage right now. In the comments, people had mixed opinions about how both parties went about this… read all about it below.

After that, read about some employees who left their toxic bosses and least-favorite-coworkers: "He told me to get a real job… so I left." 

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  • 01
    AITA for giving my new boss difficult feedback? I have a new boss (4 months in). She's very experienced, though not in our specific industry, but her skills are very transferable and I can see why she got this job. I think when she gets a bit more specific experience here she'll be very good. I have a lot of respect for her.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 02
    At the moment though she's still in watch and learn mode and is shadowing us and asking our opinions on things, which is better than arrogantly assuming she knows better than people who've done it for years. I'm pleased she's here and want to support her.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 03
    000
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    We've just had a team meeting and at the end she asked for feedback on her performance and anything she should start or stop. Everyone else was really effusive about her people skills and how she's making an effort to learn all the processes but no real 'constructive' feedback.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 05
    I decided to be open and honest and said I agreed about her people skills but that I thought she needed to become more decisive about some things (more general transferable things) and stop trying to always seek consensus because it was making our meetings take too long.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 06
    She looked a bit upset initially but then asked some questions about what I said and summarised her understanding. I thought the message had got through and I felt she would try to act on the feedback.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 07
    Since then my colleagues have been angry with me and said I was trying to buy her and was being totally unreasonable given how long she's been here. I think I was answering her request for feedback in good faith but I am now worried that I wasn't due to her. AITA?
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 08
    NGDGUnpunished. NTA because she asked for feedback, but there's a general rule of "praise in public, critcize in private". Your feedback might have been better received in a one-on-one meeting and wouldn't have resulted in the blow-back from your colleagues.
    via u/NGDGUnpunished
  • 09
    Fluid Cauliflower237 NTA. Constructive feedback is better than being a "yes" person.
    via u/Fluid Cauliflower237
  • 10
    Davetherocker OP. I agree. Just don't want to knock her down.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 11
    Fluid Cauliflower237 Absolutely. Also, the words you used vs. what you meant to say could play a part here. I can be overly blunt so I do have to think about the words I'm using and how the others may perceive them. Just a thought
    via u/Fluid Cauliflower237
  • 12
    Quant75. NTA. She was asking for the feedback and also in front of everybody. Also from what you describe she wasn't annoyed but thinking about it. So no problem there.
    via u/Quant75
  • 13
    Deshackled Probably the AH. If you suspect you came off poorly then you probably did. Talk with her about it, let her know you respect her enough to give honest feedback, but that you're concerned the delivery might have been a little different than you intended. Turn this into a good situation by letting her know you want to contribute to her success.
    via u/Deshackled
  • 14
    Davetherocker OP. Thanks. I believe what I said was right but I am worried now about my delivery and that I might have knocked her. I didn't mean to do that.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 15
    Little-Conference-67 Go have a private discussion and clear the air. Feedback isn't useful if it isn't truthful.
    via u/Little-Conference-67
  • 16
    ConstantineWolf YTA - constructive feedback is important, but it should have happened privately so as not to undermine her credibility in front of other employees. Davetherocker OP. Thanks. I did want to say it but maybe I would have been better doing it privately. I think she'd have accepted it. She seems ok.
    via u/ConstantineWolf
  • 17
    brokenhousewife_ . Info: how is your delivery, are you abrasive? Based on the response, YTA. There's feedback and then there's just critiquing & making someone feel bad about themselves. Calling yourself 'blunt' is just being an a and not caring about other peoples feelings. The whole 'tell it like it is' approach.
    via u/brokenhousewife_
  • 18
    Davetherocker OP. I wasn't trying to be. I think she's good and I was trying to explain my one frustration. I'm possibly a bit blunt, my colleagues know this. I hope she realises this too.
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 19
    Rhewin There's blunt and then there's r_de. Unless you literally said "you're annoyingly indecisive and it wastes everyone's time," I doubt you were ride.
    via u/Rhewin
  • 20
    Davetherocker OP I don't think I was ride but I've been worrying that when everyone who's known you for years excuses you for being 'blunt', new people might think I'm rade. Thanks
    via u/Davetherocker
  • 21
    Cheezburger Image 10498664960
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 22
    BeeIngBee23 NTA, Feedback is important and constructive, just telling people how great they are does nothing. Don't worry
    via u/BeeIngBee23
  • 23
    bordennium . I'm gonna go with my gut and say YTA. It's a hard one, but it sounds like the way you phrased it gave off an unintentionally harsh tone. Did you literally tell her that she's too indecisive and causes meetings to take too long? Because d that is a horrible way to put that. "If you combined your amazing people skills with a more decisive strategy, I think our meetings could be even more efficient than they already are." There. Constructive feedback without making her feel like she's
    via u/bordennium
  • 24
    It clearly put her off, and she's good with people, so you can be pretty sure that you're in the wrong here. That fact is only corroborated by the fact that your coworkers noticed too.
    via u/bordennium
  • 25
    Davetherocker OP. Yes I accept how it might have come across, and will accept being TA on that basis. I might need to work on my delivery. But can I be honest? I have no idea what anyone could take from your second paragraph! What does that mean?
    via u/Davetherocker

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